A Letter from a Working Mother to a Stay-At-Home Mother, and vice versa

June 12, 2014 in Super Inspirations

Dear Stay-At-Home Mum

Some people have been questioning what you do at home all day. I know what you do. I know because I’m a mum and for a while I did it too.

I know you do unpaid work, often thankless work, which starts the moment you wake up, and doesn’t even end when you go to sleep. I know you work weekends and nights, with no discernible end to your day or working week. I know the rewards are joyous but few.

I know that you seldom have a hot cup of coffee or tea. I know that your attention is always divided, often diverted from a moment to moment basis, and you cannot ever count on completing a task in the one go. I know that you probably don’t get any down time when you’re on your own at home, unless you have a single child who still naps in the daytime.

I know the challenges you deal with daily, usually with no peer support or backup. The toddler tantrums, the toilet training accidents, the food battles, the food on the floor, the crayons on the wall, the sibling rivalry, the baby that never seems to stop crying. I know how the work seems incessant, like an endless cycle – you shop for food, prepare it, cook it, attempt to feed it to your children, clean it off the floor, wash the dishes, and repeat in three hours.

I know you fantasise about having an hour to yourself to eat your lunch in peace, or about having an afternoon nap. I know you sometimes wonder if it’s all worth it, and feel envious of your friends who are having coffee breaks at work. I know that sometimes when your partner gets home in the evening after his work is done, he wants to put his feet up exactly when you need a break the most, and this can bring you to tears.

I know that you are misunderstood by so many who do not appreciate the difficulties of caring for small children on your own, all day, and refer to you as joining the “latte set”. They imagine you spend your day sipping coffee while your children play quietly. I know you miss your financial independence. I know you feel amused and sometimes annoyed when others proclaim “TGIF!” because to you every day is the same – there is no Friday, no break from your job. I know that many people do not understand that you work – you simply work an unpaid job at home.

SAHM, I don’t know how you do it. I admire your infinite patience, your ability to face each day cheerfully and bring joy into your children’s lives even when they wear you down. I admire your dedication to being a constant presence in your children’s lives even if it isn’t always easy. I admire the way you work without expecting any reward – no promotions, no fame, no salary. I know you want your children to feel important and loved, and SAHM, you do this the best.

I just wanted you to know that I understand. We’re both mothers. And I know.

Love from the trenches

Working Mum

Dear Working Mum

I know you sometimes get judged by others for leaving your children in the care of others to work. Some people imply that you don’t love your children as much as us SAHMs do, and that it’s best for children to be at home with their mothers.

How can they say this about you? I know you love your children just as much as any other mother. I know that going back to work was no easy decision. You weighed up the pros and cons, long before you conceived a baby. It has always been one of the most important decisions of your life. You thought about this even while you were in high school and were choosing subjects for Grade 11.

I see you everywhere. You are the doctor I take my children to when they are sick. You’re my child’s allergist, the one who diagnosed her peanut allergy. You’re the physiotherapist who treated my husband’s back. You’re the accountant who does our tax returns. My son’s primary school teacher. The director of our childcare centre. My daughter’s gymnastics teacher. The real estate agent who sold our house. What sort of world would it be if you hadn’t been there for us? If you had succumbed to the pressures of those who insisted a mother’s place had to be in the home?

I know you weigh up every job to see if it will suit your family. I know you wake up an hour before everyone else does, just so you can get some exercise done or some quiet time. I know that you have attended meetings after being up all night with your toddler. I know that when you come home in the evening, your “second shift” begins. The nay-sayers don’t understand that you run a household AND hold a job. You come home, cook dinner, bath your children and read them stories. You tuck them in and kiss them goodnight. You pay the bills, do the grocery shopping, the laundry, the dishes, just like every other mother does.

I know that you often feel guilty about having any more time away from your children so you sacrifice your leisure time. I know you can’t bring yourself to take a “day off” for yourself when your children are at daycare. I know you accept that work is your “time off” for now. I know that when you are at work you don’t waste a single minute. I know you eat your lunch at your desk, you don’t go out for coffee, and you show complete dedication and concentration to your job. You chose to be there after all. You want to be there.

I know how discerning you are about who is looking after your children, and that many long daycare centres offer excellent care. I know you only leave your children in a place where you confident they are loved and well looked after. I know that you spend many days caring for your children at home when they are sick, and sacrifice your pay. I know that you secretly enjoy these days, and revel in being able to be with your children.

I know that sometimes you feel guilty about not being there all the time. But WM, I know this. You are setting a wonderful example to your children. You are showing them that a woman can have a career, contribute in some way outside the home, and still be a loving mother. You are showing your daughters that they can do anything they want to do in life. You are displaying strength, endurance, dedication, tenacity, and you do it with so much joy and love.

I just wanted you to know I understand. Because we’re both mothers.

Love from the trenches

Stay-At-Home Mum

By Carolyn

Carolyn is a medical doctor and researcher. She blogs about health and her journey to discover the Nirvana of work-family balance. She has a toddler and a three-year-old and a wonderful husband, and returned to full-time work/study in February 2014. In her “spare time” she enjoys running and the occasional eating of cupcakes.

http://carolynee.net/a-letter-from-a-working-mother-to-a-stay-at-home-mother-and-vice-versa/

Countries can’t change women

December 5, 2013 in Super Inspirations

Having travelled around, being a housewife as well as a corporate worker, being single then married and then a mother, during this journey, I have met so many women, some who became really good friends, some were just casual talkers whilst some who envied me. But when I think about them all, I realised how many things were just common about them all.

In some countries, there are women who really want to do something different in life however are held back by domestic issues or lack of support. To succeed they have to go against the society as well as the family, the path to their goal would involve things a women wouldn’t normally do in certain countries. Their aspirations are just shattered even before they shape. Their dreams just stay within them forever and ever just because they are not strong enough to fight the world and follow them.

On the contrary, in some countries where women enjoy the same status as men and have the freedom to do whatever they want, they still tend to be unsatisfied with their life, depressed and confused. They enjoy all the luxuries of life, go out partying, wear expensive clothes and accessories and show off all the things they have been up to on facebook, they appear to be the luckiest woman on earth but in reality they are so unhappy and lonely. They want to break free from their material life but they can’t let go. They have their dreams too however fulfilling them simply seem impossible as it needs a lot of effort, and these women are so depressed that their life just revolves around the TV, the computer and binge eating and they don’t know how to spare time to achieve their goals.

But basically, although women from different continents have a different way of living, they are actually going through the same…
All are unhappy with their current situation, all want to change and all want to do something that could make their life worthwhile. The only thing they lack is motivation and self-determination. Life is tough at all stages, but to face the challenges and achieve your goals, sometimes you have to take risks, work hard and make an effort.

Many women just moan about things but are so laid back and procrastinate that they can never change the situation. They complain that they don’t have time however most of them are either browsing social networking sites or are shopping or in another scenario doing the laundry or feeding the family. To change your life you have to get up and make the time, focus on your goal and the steps you have to take in order to achieve your goal. You have to switch that T.V off or sleep an hour less, then only can you achieve something in life, just dreaming about something isn’t enough you have to wake yourself up and work hard to fulfill it.

Seek inspiration and guidance from women who are successful in their career, try to understand how did they manage the stress of a routine life as well as climb the ladder of success by focusing on their goal. Life is too short, start living it now.

World Plus

December 5, 2013 in Super Inspirations

A fantastic web place to get motivated or to be heard by women all around the world.
http://worldpulse.com/about/blog/announcing-the-release-of-a-new-world-pulse-video

The Importance of Having the Right Motivation For Starting a Business?

April 30, 2013 in Super Inspirations

By 

Successful entrepreneurs are rarely motivated solely by money (Donald Trump, ERON’s top executives, and Bernie Maddoff are good examples of men motivated by making money at all costs.) Successful entrepreneurs achieve wealth because they believe in what they are doing and inject personal core values into how they build a business: Wealth is their reward; not their god.

Having a true sense of pride and belief in your own company and products will convey in everything you do. Your passion and confidence will get other people – customers and investors – excited about the business and you will have an easier time establishing your business’ credibility.

If your only goal is to make as much money off other people as fast as you can, eventually you will make business decisions for the wrong reasons and ultimately hurt your reputation and growth potential.

If your motivation is to start a business doing something you are passionate about with the goal of turning into a full-time living, you are likely to suffer from fewer emotional setbacks and entrepreneur burnout when you find out it takes time to build independent wealth. You will be more patient with yourself and your business as it grows, and, will make better business decisions.

Business owners that are exclusively motivated by money often have unreasonable expectations of getting rich quick. When monetary goals are your only important goals, you will miss out on the many other rewards of being self-employed including sense of accomplishment, purpose, and the rewards of knowing you are doing something worthwhile with your life.

Article by Consuelo Meux, Ph.D.

April 13, 2013 in Super Inspirations

Women leaders in business must find ways to stay motivated to reach goals with or without outside support. You might have to work alone in the in this effort as your pursue professional opportunities. You can become more aware of ways you might be losing your motivation by understanding these 7 top motivation killers that a business woman can learn to avoid or change.

1. Waiting for others to motivate you. If you need others to motivate you in order to reach your goals you will soon find that you won’t be getting much support. People are busy and few people take time to consistently provide others with the motivational words they need. Reach into your leadership background and find ways to set short and long-term goals that keep you going to reach goals all by yourself.

2. Keep doing what you don’t like. Few things are more de-motivating the continuing to do activities that you really don’t like to do. When you have a lot of skills and talents, don’t waste precious time in life pursuing activities you don’t like. Wrap up your obligations if necessary and move on to activities and adventures that keep you excited and happy instead of struggling with activities you are not excited about doing.

3. Take criticism from others to heart. It is common for others to share more negative words than positive. If you let yourself be discouraged when others criticize you or what you do, you will find yourself down and out most of the time. Put everything you hear in perspective. You are not what others say; you are what you say to yourself. Learn positive self talk and speak truth to your mind on a consistent basis to drown out the negative criticism that might come your way.

4. Procrastinate and increase your stress. When you fail to complete tasks you increase your stress. Procrastinating until the last minute or to the point when things really get out of hand is a way to only cause more problems in your life. Set a schedule and face difficult tasks one step at a time. Get things done ahead of schedule and give yourself relief and time to do your task correctly.

5. Fail to have confidence in your decisions. If you consistently worry about decisions you make learn to look at all of the available alternatives and review the pros and cons of each prior to making a decision. If you have time, don’t make a hasty decision but give yourself time to really think about what you’ll decide. If you have to decide quickly go with the decision that will cause the least harm. Then take a course on decision making so you can feel better about the necessary decisions you will inevitably have to make.

6. Give up easily. One of the best ways to lose motivation is to be in the habit of giving up when things get tough. Instead of being a quitter learn the self-discipline necessary to stick things out to completion. No doubt about it, you will face some very tedious tasks as a leader. But you can’t lead if you can’t finish. Decide to reach the goal and analyze the steps you have to take to complete a difficult task. Be ready to reach the goal line or don’t take on the leadership task.

7. Maintain bad habits.  A habit is an action you do without thinking. In order to change a habit you have to be conscious of your activities and then deliberately do something that changes that behavior. If you have a habit of telling yourself negative things you have to consciously know how to change that self talk into something positive. If you have a habit of quitting you have to change that to create a habit of completing activities. It is possible to change habits but like anything else worthwhile it can also be hard to do; but as a leader you are up to the task.

Learning to stay motivated is an important skill for the woman leader in business. Sometimes you can be doing things that you are not aware of that take your motivation away. By recognizing the 7 areas in this article you can increase your self-motivation and become a more successful professional.

Consuelo Meux, Ph.D. coaches professional and executive women to build the confidence and communication skills to start and grow a small business that generates elegance and financial freedom. Get a free business plan template, resources and other support at her website. Enjoy monthly teleclasses on Communication Skills for Successful Business Women for only $9.95 a month. Private fast track coaching is available for the woman who is ready to move into her success – fast. http://www.consuelomeux.com

 

Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com/2236432

Chetan Bhagat write’s

April 9, 2013 in Super Inspirations

Five things I feel women need to change about themselves, to make things better for their own kind.

The first behaviour that needs to end is the constant desire to judge other women. Women are hard on themselves. They are harder on each other. An overweight woman enters the room. Most women are thinking ‘how fat is she?’ A working mother misses a PTA meeting due to an office deadline, others think ‘what a terrible mother she is’. A girl in a short skirt makes other women go ‘Slut!’ in their heads. A pretty woman’s promotion makes other women wonder what she had been up to to get the job. From an ill-fitting dress to a badly cooked dish, you are ready to judge others. This, despite knowing, you yourselves are not perfect. As a woman, it is tough enough is to survive in a male dominated world. Why be so hard on each other? Can you let each other breathe?

Second, the faking needs to end. A common female trait is the relatively quick adaptation to feed male egos. Laughing at men’s jokes when they aren’t funny, accepting a raw deal in an office assignment or playing dumb to allow a man to feel superior are just a few occasions when you do your own kind no favor. Who are you? And why can’t you be that person? Why are you faking it so much? If something bothers you, say it. What’s the point of collectively harping on equality, when as individuals, you are happy to lapse into being clueless eye flutterers, just to keep men happy?

Three, and this is serious, standing up for your property rights. Plenty of Indian women give up their lawful property rights for their brothers, sons or husbands. Sorry if it sounds harsh, but too many Indian women are emotional fools and need to be told so. You are not demonstrating your eternal selflessness when you give away your property. You are hurting your own kind.

Four, women need to become more ambitious and dream bigger. All young Indians – men and women, should have a fire in their belly. Perhaps the way the Indian society is structured, our women are not encouraged to be as ambitious as men. However, for their own sake and the nation’s sake, all Indian youth must have ambitions and aspirations to do well and reach their maximum potential in life. Many Indian women have done much better than men. Use them as inspiration and work towards your dreams. Your success is what will finally make Indian men respect women. Play your part.

Five, don’t be too trapped in the drama of relationships. Relationships are vital. Being a good mother, wife, sister, daughter, friend and lover are extremely important. However, don’t get too tangled. You have another relationship, with yourself. Don’t sacrifice so much that you lose yourself. Not regularly, but just every now and then, be a little selfish. It is when a woman will assert herself she will be taken seriously. You are not only here to assist others in living their lives. You have your own life too.

Strickland Gillilan

April 4, 2013 in Super Inspirations

You may have tangible wealth untold; Caskets of jewels and coffers of gold. Richer than I you can never be I had a mother who read to me.

Erma Bombeck say’s

November 22, 2012 in Super Inspirations

When I stand before God at the end of my life, I would hope that I would not have a single bit of talent left, and could say, ‘I used everything you gave me’.

Erma was born in Bellbrook, Ohio to a working-class family, and was raised in Dayton. Her father, Cassius Fiste, was the city crane operator; her mother’s name was also Erma. Young Erma lived with her elder paternal half-sister, Thelma. She began elementary school one year earlier than usual for her age, in 1932, and became an excellent student and an avid reader. She particularly enjoyed the popular humor writers of the time. After Erma’s father died in 1936, she moved, with her mother, into her grandmother’s home. In 1938 her mother remarried, to Albert Harris (a moving van owner). Erma practiced tap dance and singing, and was hired by a local radio for a children’s revue for eight years.

She was told by doctors that having a child was improbable, so they adopted a girl, Betsy, in 1953. Erma decided to become a full-time housewife, and relinquished her career as a journalist. During 1954, Erma nevertheless wrote a series of humorous columns in the Dayton Shopping News.

Despite the former difficult diagnoses, Erma Bombeck gave birth to a son, Andrew, in 1955. The Bombeck family moved to Centerville, Ohio, into a tract housing development, and were neighbors to the young Phil Donahue. Away from her previous journalistic career, Bombeck initiated an intense period of homemaking, which lasted 10 years, and had her second son, Matthew, in 1958.

In 1964, Erma Bombeck resumed her writing career for the local Kettering-Oakwood Times, with weekly columns which yielded $3 each. She wrote in her small bedroom, over a rustic table of a plank top with two supports of cinder block.

In 1965, the Dayton Journal Herald requested new humorous columns as well, and Bombeck agreed to write two weekly 450-word columns for $50. After three weeks, the articles went intonational syndication through the Newsday Newspaper Syndicate, into 36 major U.S. newspapers, with three weekly columns under the title “At Wit’s End”.

Bombeck quickly became a popular humorist nationwide. Beginning in 1966, she began doing lectures for a $15,000 fee in the various cities where her columns appeared. In 1967, her newspaper columns were compiled and published by Doubleday, under the title of At Wit’s End. And after a humorous appearance on Arthur Godfrey’s radio show, she became a regular radio guest on the show.

Erma Bombeck had been diagnosed with polycystic kidney disease (a congenital defect) when she was 20 years old, but managed to live most of her life without any problems from it. She had a mastectomy in 1992 after being diagnosed with breast cancer and in 1996, she was brought to a San Francisco hospital for a kidney transplant, which was performed on April 3, 1996. However, complications developed and she died on April 22, 1996, aged 69. Her remains are interred in the Woodland Cemetery, Dayton, Ohio, under a large rock from the Phoenix desert.

 

The ‘Middle Wife’ by a 2nd grade Teacher.

April 25, 2012 in Super Fun

This was shared by a supermum…………

I’ve been teaching now for about fifteen years. I have two kids myself, but the best birth story I know is the one I saw in my own second grade classroom a few years back.

When I was a kid, I loved show-and-tell. So I always have a few sessions with my students. It helps them get over shyness and usually, show-and-tell is pretty tame. Kids bring in pet turtles, model airplanes, pictures of fish they catch, stuff like that. And I never, ever place any boundaries or limitations on them. If they want to lug it in to school and talk about it, they’re welcome.

Well, one day this little girl, Heidi, a very bright, very outgoing kid, takes her turn and waddles up to the front of the class with a pillow stuffed under her sweater.

She holds up a snapshot of an infant. ‘This is Alfie, my baby brother, and I’m going to tell you about his birthday.’

‘First, Mum and Dad made him as a symbol of their love, and then Dad put a seed in my Mum’s stomach, and Alfie grew in there. He ate for nine months through an umbrella cord.’

She’s standing there with her hands on the pillow, and I’m trying not to laugh and wishing I had my camcorder with me. The kids are watching her in amazement.

‘Then, about two Saturdays ago, my Mum starts saying and going, ‘Oh, Oh, Oh, Oh!’ Heidi puts a hand behind her back and groans. ‘She walked around the house for, like an hour, ‘Oh, oh, oh!’ (Now this kid is doing a hysterical duck walk and groaning.)

‘My Dad called the middle wife. She delivers babies, but she doesn’t have a sign on the car like the Domino’s man. They got my Mum to lie down in bed like this.’ (Then Heidi lies down with her back against the wall.)

‘And then, pop! My Mum had this bag of water she kept in there in case he got thirsty, and it just blew up and spilled all over the bed, like psshhheew!’ (This kid has her legs spread with her little hands miming water flowing away. It was too much!)

‘Then the middle wife starts saying ‘push, push,’ and ‘breathe, breathe. They started counting, but never even got past ten. Then, all of a sudden, out comes my brother.. He was covered in yucky stuff that they all said it was from Mum’s play-center, (placenta) so there must be a lot of toys inside there. When he got out, the middle wife spanked him for crawling up in there.’

Then Heidi stood up, took a big theatrical bow and returned to her seat. I’m sure I applauded the loudest. Ever since then, when it’s show-and-tell day, I bring my camcorder, just in case another ‘Middle Wife’ comes along.

Now you have two choices…laugh and close this page or pass this along to someone else to spread the laughs. I know what I did!!!

Live every day as if it is your LAST chance to make someone happy !

Women’s Favorite E-mail

August 30, 2011 in Super Fun

A man was sick and tired of going to work every day while his wife stayed home.He wanted her to see what he went through so he prayed:”Dear Lord: I go to work every day and put in 8 hours while my wife. merely stays at home. I want her to know what I go through, so please allow her body to switch with mine for a day. Amen.God, in his infinite wisdom, granted the man’s wish.The next morning, sure enough, the man awoke as a woman He arose,cooked breakfast for his mate, awakened the kids, set out their school clothes, fed them breakfast, packed their lunches, drove them to school, came home and picked up the dry cleaning, took it to the cleaners and stopped at the bank to make a deposit, went grocery shopping, then drove home to put away the groceries, paid the bills and balanced the check book. He cleaned the cat’s litter box and bathed the dog. Then it was already 1 P.M. and he hurried to make the beds, do the laundry, vacuum, dust, and sweep and mop the kitchen floor.Ran to the school to pick up the kids and got into an argument with them on the way home. Set out milk and cookies and got the kids organized to do their homework, then set up the ironing board and watched TV while he did the ironing.At 4:30 he began peeling potatoes and washing vegetables for salad, breaded the pork chops and snapped fresh beans for supper.After supper, he cleaned the kitchen, ran the dishwasher, folded laundry, bathed the kids, and put them to bed.At 9 P.M. he was exhausted and, though his daily chores weren’t finished, he went to bed where he was expected to make love, which he managed to get through without complaint.The next morning, he awoke and immediately knelt by the bed and said:Lord, I don’t know what I was thinking. I was so wrong to envy my wife’s being able to stay home all day. Please, oh please, let us trade back.”The Lord, in his infinite wisdom, replied: “My son, I feel you have learned your lesson and I will be happy to change things back to the way they were. You’ll just have to wait nine months, though. You got pregnant last night.”Voted Women’s Favorite E-mail of the Year !